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Donna Havens MEd. Psych Counseling
Certified Holistic Health Practitioner
Coach, Consultant, Mentor, Teacher, Author, Speaker
Spirit, Mind and Body Transformation - Love, Longevity and Legacy
What's New - July 2024
What Really Matters and How Do We Really Heal?
What really matters? What really matters to you? What matters to me and to people in general, at different stages of our lives, after a pandemic, when there is so much war in the world, when we are soon to elect our next president here in America? What matters to people around the world? I have been studying this as I have been working as a clinician through the pandemic and the aftermath. What really matters? When we are suffering, what is missing? What do we need? How do we thrive in these times?
How do we really heal? In my work with individuals, couples, families and my new focus on organizations, I have been witness to so many people’s stories, struggles, perspectives and paths forward. I have seen the courage and strength people can access in the most challenging times. I have seen people handling life with grace and compassion and hope as they uncover what is true for them, what really matters, and ways forward that are in alignment with their values and authenticity. This is how we as humans can manage suffering, it is the way of integrity. Our values, what really matters to us, this is our true north. We dig deep and we find our next first step and we find our way forward, with deepest love for ourselves and for others, and for what really matters.
There are certain things that matter to all of us. These are physical health and well-being, stability, safety, love, family, community, making meaning, and leaving a legacy. Foundational to healthy lives is peace in our heart and soul. We only heal physically, emotionally and spiritually when our nervous system is in a state of rest. This has been proven scientifically, and we now know that this is why the “woo-woo” works. We can reset our nervous system with healthy food and drink, good sleep, exercise and movement, time with loved ones, yoga, meditation, physical touch, time in nature, listening to and playing music, laughter, sunlight, and creating things with our own two hands.
Here in America we are struggling to live lives based on what really matters. We numb out with unhealthy food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, the internet. Our work lives don’t often allow for us to live in alignment with our values and in a state of rest and restoration. We claw our way to the top, working so many hours. We are fearful and competitive and as such we are at war with one another. There are some good workplaces, but many are toxic and unhealthy. The excuse for bad behavior is that “it’s business, not personal”, and one is sometimes looked down on for being naïve and foolish if they question this. I am saddened when I see people change their own values and beliefs in order to fit in as they move up the ladder.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Change is possible. Change is necessary if we are to heal. Healing starts with building lives around what really matters.
In 2014 I wrote a book, Luke and Me: The Healing Power of Play, Imagination, Storytelling and Love, and I shared my story of having been arrested in then Communist Yugoslavia and the impact this had on my happy little middle class American world view, and I asked the question, how do we heal the world? I have been seeking answers ever since.
This is how we heal the world. It begins with each one asking ourselves what really matters. Some will say that what really matters is making as much money as possible at whatever cost to others, and acquiring status and possessions at the risk of deep relationships and authentic connection. I believe, however, based on my work with my clients and on interviews with the dying, that when all is said and done most people don’t think that fame and fortune are what truly matters, and I believe that If we dedicate ourselves and commit to a life that reflects back what really matters, and live in alignment with these powerful beliefs and values, each in our own individual way, our decision will impact and ripple out to our families, our workplaces, our communities, our nations, and the world.
The Doomsday Clock might be saying that it’s one minute to midnight. I don’t buy it. Let’s do this! What really matters to you, and how do we really heal?
Let’s dig in. Come, tell your stories and feel seen, known, understood and heard. Find your next first step. Find healing and direction.
Let’s heal ourselves, our families, our workplaces, our communities and the world!
Donna Havens, MEd Psych Counseling
Note - April 2024 -
Four years since the beginning of the pandemic - last week I had a great talk with a client about remembering who and how things were before the pandemic - who we were - and moving beyond processing the pain and losses to refocusing and reclaiming the things we miss that we can reclaim! Clients are asking questions such as how do we reconnect to joy, happiness, a felt sense of safety? How do we regain our physical health and emotional well-being? How do we reconnect deeply to one another? How do we reconnect to the awe and mystery of life? These are my favorite kinds of questions. My clients and I go on the adventure of finding answers - finding some answers that are true for all and answers that are personal and based on my clients' individual challenges and life experiences. We go on a quest to find answers to the questions that lead each one to their life of integration, meaning, purpose, a felt sense of being seen, heard, known, and understood; a life each individual client can look back on with joy, peace and contentment.
Note - May 2023
It's almost the "official" end of the pandemic. I'm not really sure what that means. Three years ago this week a dear friend of mine died of Covid after a month in the hospital alone, on a ventilator, one of 21 friends and loved ones that I have lost since March 2020. Covid is still around. People, family, friends and loved ones, still argue about masks and vaccines, but less frequently and with less emotion. We have been through a collective trauma, one we didn't see coming, and we have experienced it differently and we have come to different conclusions. I am changed, and I am pretty sure that you are, too. We have memories. We have scars. We have coping skills we didn't have before, some good and some not so good. I highly recommend unpacking that! I feel that we can integrate our experiences to become more confident, encouraged, hopeful, stronger in the broken places, older, wiser, and more complete. We can use the lessons we are learning to help us to be healthier in spirit, mind and body. We have more control than we know and this is a very important message at a time when health care and providers can be hard to come by.
I have been working with individuals, couples and families as they have had to navigate significant challenges and loss. Come learn about resilience, uncertainty, trauma, courage and healing. I am ready to process with you what you now carry, and integrate what we now know as we move together towards a better life for you, your loved ones, and collectively, a better world for all.
Do you feel called to more? Do you want to live more vibrantly in all aspects of your being? Are you being called into a deeper and wiser identity, a more authentic you? Do you feel called to make a deeper impact, to help heal our families, our communities and our planet but you don't know where to begin? Would you like to explore better health, a deeper creativity, storytelling, and courage to speak and share who you really are and what you really believe? Do you know that all this matters - that you matter and that we need you?
Health challenges, weight challenges, unexpected turns of events, healing the past, love found and lost and found again, seeking meaning and purpose, leaving a legacy - these are things I have tackled, studied, worked with, things I know deeply. I can help you transform your life. It's important. You are important. You are here, now, on purpose. Be your best you so that you can have your biggest impact.
Certifications/Trainings
Trauma-Informed Care Clinical Advanced Practice/Trauma Responsive Certification, which required training in Motivational Interviewing, Attachment, Regulation and Competency (ARC), Neurobiology and Trauma-Informed Care, The Adverse Childhood Experiences study (ACEs), Adult Survivors of Trauma, Culturally Adapted Trauma, and training in Mindfulness Skills
I have completed Level 1 in Gottman Method Couples Therapy and use Gottman Method Couples Therapy in my work.
I am approved by the Committee for Public Counsel as a Bonding Assessments Provider/Vendor in Child and Family Court
Institute for Integrative Nutrition, SUNY Purchase, Certified Holistic Health Coach; Certified Self-Esteem Elevation Coach for Children